Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Ok, so who all is with me when I say that the Christian life is so easy to become a big ol' roller coaster- with ups and downs ups and downs?!!?

That's how I feel right now. I'm so frustrated with myself, because I KNOW the desire God has for me to spend time with Him and to grow closer to Him. I see it all around me everyday, but I often look the other way. I KNOW that the days I do spend sitting at His feet in prayer and reading Scripture, that my attitude about life is totally different. I show love to Thehubs in a much more sincere way, and the work I do is out of love, not dread.

Earlier this week I heard a country song on the radio that says "When the on you love's in love with someone else. Don't you know it's torture, I mean it's a living hell."
I thought to myself- wow, i bet that's how the Lord feels about me loving other things more than him. It breaks his heart, it makes him so sad and i know He wants me all to himself.
But what did I do about that thought- NOTHING. I just kept living my good ol' selfish life.

So this morning, I sit down determined to read my Bible. (Which I've yet to do...) And I just feel so lost as far as where to start. Do you ever get that way?
I used to never get like this....but then again, I used to never go this long without being in the Word daily. I'm sure there's a correlation there.

I'm so frustrated...I hate just opening the Bible and saying, okay, today I'll read this. I want to dig in, I want to grow closer to Him. But is this Him teaching me that I have to start over? That I'm not as spiritually mature as I once was, so therefore I need some of the basics before I can dig in deep? I'm not sure.

Thoughts, comments on this would be appreciated. Especially if you've been where I am. Or, if you know of any great resources for Bible Study that isn't crazy expensive.

Time to sit down in my Savior's lap and just let him love on me, while I start over again. Isn't it great how we can do that everyday and His love for us never ever changes?!?!?


Doe said...

Hey! So, first off, thank you for being honest. Most people wouldn't...the thoughts that came to mind when reading this are: first, don't ever let your time with the Lord be legalistic in any way. Yes, it's important to get in the Word daily, praying, seeking Him. Obedience is very important for a Christian. But the important thing to remember is that the Lord doesn't love us any less when we haven't done all those things. As much as He desires for us to come to Him, He loves us just the same when we don't. I've been learning a lot about that lately...about His love and our legalism. Secondly, I've definitely been where you are, and I still go through it from time to time. But what I find helps me is getting into prayer and quietness with God before I even open my Bible. I start out by repenting, asking for forgiveness, stating who the Father is in prayer, and then thanking Him. Thanking Him for His grace for me that I don't deserve...and then when the Spirit leads me to get into the Word, I ask God what it is that He wants to show me today. I ask Him to point me to specific scripture...and most times, when I'm genuinely asking, He does! I also read Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His can find it online. They are daily devotions. And what I have been wanting to do lately is just pick a book of the Bible, or pray about it first, and just dig into that book. One book at a that could help, too! Anyway...I know this has gotten way too long. But I just wanted to say I know where you are at...I think all Christians go through it, but just try to focus on the Cross, and what that means, and fall at the Father's feet. Pray for Him to soften your heart again, for real change in your heart, and for growth. He will answer...I promise! Even if you don't always feel amazing peace and love, He is always near. I pray for the same things every day. And believe me, you are about to embark on such a journey of growth that you've never imagined with a new kiddo! :) Thank goodness the Lord is faithful and will provide for you, and He loves you so much! He delights in you! :) Love you, girl! Oh, and read Romans 5:1-5!

Danielle said...

I know just what you mean, and I feel that I'm in the same boat as you. I feel that I have been since, well, a while. For me, I was more consistent in High School when I got up extra early and read some scripture and journaled about it. Since then, and it's been at least 7 years, I've been ery inconsistent. Even when I was leading Bible Study in college.

I don't know of any good Bible Studies, but I do know that reading a book of Proverbs each day for a month (31 chapters for 31 days!) works for me. That is, when I do it. If not, just picking a book of the Bible and studying it by the chapter or just a section of Scripture has worked for me. In fact, that's what I did for a Bible Study in College. Maybe I could find the notebook on it next time I go see my parents.

And here's a verse I found this AM, one I had already written on a notecard. Just thought I'd share- Psalm 55:22 :)
Love you and can't wait to see you soon!