Saturday, May 7, 2011

In a rut

Do you ever just get in little ruts??
Well let me just be real with you for a minute...I'm in a rut. A Spiritual rut- big time.

You see, back in January, things were going great. I was growing so much spiritually, and the Lord was teaching me new things everyday.
This lasted probably until about March, and then a gradual decrease in my obedience and time committed to the Lord took place.

To be honest, I've only read my Bible once in probably the past month...and that was probably out of obligation rather than love for my Savior.

What changed? Well, just a few things immediately come to mind.
1. I stopped having a morning routine of immediately spending time with Jesus before doing anything else.
2. I stopped journaling during the times I was spending in the Word.
3. I stopped dedicating time to prayer...

And yes, those 3 things alone have brought me to where I am today.
I'm ashamed to say that I've almost avoided reading verses on Facebook and from text messages. Because, I knew conviction would come...
I just wanted to do things myself...
Even as I write this blog, I'm not quite broken to the point I know I need to be...I know in my head where I need to be, but my spirit isn't broken...

Something I've certainly noticed especially throughout the past several weeks is that I strongly believe that there is a DIRECT CORRELATION between being spiritually mature/growing and having joy and motivation to be the wife/woman God wants me to be.

Since my growth has stopped, I have stopped encouraging my husband as I should, I stopped managing my home as I once did, I became almost lethargic....pretty much, my overall attitude and motivation was gone.
(some of that may have been contributed to the 1st trimester of pregnancy, but I contribute it completely to my lack of spiritual growth...)

Also, my job has suffered. You can ask anybody that I work with that during the month of April, I was totally not there. I had very little motivation to teach my clients the skills they needed to know, I was behind on paperwork the entire month, and I even failed to do other tasks that are required, and which I normally have no probably doing.

Thankfully, my job is amazing, and my boss totally understands that it was just a down-month for me. I've promised that May will be much better.
And is has been so far. But I think that's just mainly because I have realized that I've been in a rut, and I'm trying to dig myself out of it.

But you see, I can't do anything on my own. I know this, but I'm stubborn....and still try alone.

I need time with my Jesus. I need to go broken before him.
I know He is waiting, and He will begin speaking once again as soon as I return.

I've just got to give it all up again...and again....and again....
Luke 9:23

1 comment:

ROBYN LANE said...

Thanks for your transparency! If we're being real with ourselves, we've all been there. I know He'll pull you up out of that rut -- lean into Him. I miss seeing your smiling face!