Ok, so I officially went back to work full time last week. And my goodness, it's already stressful! I thought the whole point of me going back part time for a few weeks was for me to ease into it all, but I feel like I'm just being thrown back into it now.
I had 2 cases while working 1/2 time in December...and last week opened 2 more...and had 2 more assigned to me! So that puts me at my max (6). I'll probably open up the other 2 this week, and that stresses me beyond belief.
It's really not being away from him that stresses me, but rather breast feeding exclusively. I've honestly had thoughts of giving up tonight, but then tell myself that I can do it! I have a great supply, and pump most nights when he feeds to get enough for one feeding. Last week he took about 1 bottle per day. This next week, he'll probably have to take 2 bottles Tuesday morning, and 2 more that evening...and probably at least 1 on Wednesday. Thursday will be another day of probably 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening of bottles. Both days I hope to be home for the afternoon feeding, but my luck I'll be home for the tad bit in between feedings. Hopefully not....
I guess I'll be taking my pump with me on long days to pump in the car. (I'm always on the road, hardly ever in the office.) Which means I need to buy an adapter so I can plug it into the cigarette lighter, and lots more storage bags. But of course that's much cheaper than formula! lol
Another HUGE stressor is the whole thing of making sure somebody can watch him. I never realized how stressful that would be either. It's so much harder too since both of our parents work, and we live an hour away from all of my family. TheHubs is able to watch him a lot, but then again he has to work full time too! His schedule is about to change, which will provide more consistency. I'm convinced that will help, as I'll then be able to work my visits around his schedule. My mother-in-law and cousin help out A TON, which I will forever be grateful for! I just feel like I'm constantly worrying about figuring out who can watch him, and if I need to cancel visits or whatever...but I know it'll all work out. Worse case scenario, I cancel a visit or reschedule something. That's what's great about my job- I don't have any set hours, and can work when I want to.....as long as I see my families twice per week and get my paperwork done.
Ok, so I know it will all get better with time. I just feel so stressed right now, if you can't tell. Please pray I can stick with the whole breastfeeding thing, as I really don't want to give up just because of work. I think that's stupid. It honestly makes me sad and feel really guilty when he has to drink out of a bottle...and I don't think I realized that until now. I feel bad when somebody else has to worry about warming a bottle and feeding him....like that I'm the only one that should be doing that or something. Maybe those feelings will pass- especially since I've just realized it and can work on moving past the irrational thoughts that I'm a horrible mother for working and making my baby drink from a bottle.
Sorry about all the ranting....
