Surviving Motherhood

My boss let me borrow a book before EJ was born and told me that it was an easy read and that it helped her a lot when she had her 1st baby. It's called "The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood" by Vicki Lovine. So far, it's really good...I'm skimmed through some parts of it because I actually didn't start reading it until AFTER I had EJ. Therefore the whole preparing for birth and what to expect in the hospital stuff was a bit late. lol

Anyways, I just HAD to share some of what I read tonight because it's rather humorous (as much of the book is) and very very true! (Well, thankfully, the part of the baby sleeping in my bed, and not sleeping at night and constantly crying isn't true in my case....so far)

...But wait a minute, you're working twenty-four seven here! This blame can't just be lain on your doorstep. If it isn't you, then it must be your husband. Yeah, that's whose caught this is! Only your blind devotion prevented you from seeing it earlier. If only he would hold up his end. After all, it was he who got you in this predicament in the first place. Sure that baby books advise you to pump an extra bottle of milk so that he can feed the baby while you rest, but you haven't managed to squeeze out one extra ounce, let alone a full bottle. If Mother Nautre is so smart, then why didn't She put working nipples on dads? And why does he get to escape to work every day and leave you alone to face this eight-pound bottomless pit of needs? And what's with his always asking you, "What should we do about dinner tonight?" He's a grown man-- can't he handle it? Is it too much to ask to enter the dining room and find a cooked meal already there, just once? And if he doesn't handle it, why doesn't he earn a better living so that you could afford to hire someone who will?

Then again, the poor guy looks as haunted and tired as you do. Sure he isn't a wizard with baby wipes, but he is working awfully hard. So if it isn't his fault, there is only one possible culprit left...that's right; it's the baby's fault. Sure she's absolutely gorgeous and perfect in every way, but she really doesn't play fair. She sleeps all day, she cries all night, she is only happy if you are walking around with her in your arms and she screams when you sit down on your hemorrhoid donut to rest your aching back. She nurses until you think your breasts will fall off, and then proceeds to spit up what must be half of the meal. Then she wants to nurse again and gets mad at you if the well has run dry. She hates her crib but loves your bed. You try to let her cry for a few minutes to let her learn to comfort herself, but she refuses to learn. You try crying yourself. She's right; it doesn't make you feel much better. The babies on TV and in books sleep all night, take two naps a day and never cry unless they have a dirty diaper or are hungry. Your baby, however cries at phantoms, loves to party all night and naps unpredictably. Clearly motherhood would be a snap, if only your baby cooperated. 

HERE'S THE TRUTH: THE BIRTH OF A BABY IS SUPPOSED TO BLOW YOUR SCHEULE TO BITS, EVEN IF IT NEARLY KILLS YOU AND YOUR MATE. THIS IS NATURE'S WAY OF MAKING SURE THAT WE GET OUR NEW PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS BECOME, IN THIS ORDER. 

1. THE BABY'S HEALTH

2. THE BABY'S COMFORT

3. THE BABY'S PARENTS' SURVIVAL. (THIS IS A VERY DISTANT THIRD.)

If you're a mom, you probably know exactly where she's coming from. I would have thought she was heartless and crazy for saying all of that BEFORE I became a mom. Now, only 6 weeks into this, I totally understand and feel exactly like that on some days.